As I prepare to share the story of how our family came to be this Sunday at Redwood Hills, I am thinking about one of the main questions we get asked a lot: are fertility treatments consistent with Christian ethics (or more like “are Christians allowed to do that kind of thing?”)? It’s a great question, and one we have spent plenty of time wrestling with. I won’t have time to go into any detail on Sunday, so I thought I would blog it here for you three readers (yes, we are up to three now :-)). Let me first lay some ground rules.
This is not the Law from Heaven on fertility treatments. It’s also not my attempt to help you circumvent the process of wrestling with this question. If you are facing it, you need to. To me this is not a political issue or a morality tale, it’s simply an intensely personal choice we had to apply our faith to. We hope we got it right. We did our homework. We prayed for wisdom. We believe we were heard.
THE STORY
After trying to conceive for something like 6 or 7 years, our doctor scheduled a surgery for my wife Stacey. He had seen a couple of possible issues on an ultrasound, but needed to operate to find out what was really going on. The surgery took an hour or two longer than it was supposed to. Instead of an outpatient, go home that night event, it ended up being a several day hospital stay. And we received our first real diagnosis: Endometriosis, which had badly damaged the fallopian tubes. “I just don’t think it’s going to happen.” That was the summary.
After recovery time from the surgery, we were presented with three options: 1. Keep trying and see what happens. 2. Adopt. 3. Look into IVF (in vitro fertilization – read up on it if you are unaware of this procedure – I will refer to a lot of things without explaining them all). Since our early 30’s were passing us by quickly, we chose to discard option 1 and evaluate the other two. Both presented a long and expensive road ahead with no guaranteed outcome. In the end we decided to exhaust whatever medical options we had that were consistent with our faith. This part of the decision was fairly subjective and personal – we believe in adoption and respect those who adopt, we simply wanted to keep trying to conceive first, then pursue adoption next.
As we investigated IVF, we carefully examined each part of the process and subjected it to some tests. The main principle we judged everything by was “can this be done in a way that is consistent with the value God places on human life?” The second part was “will our actions have any unintended consequences?” Third, “is this part of the process creating life (or ‘potential life’ for those who like to split hairs)?” If so, how is that life (potential life) treated?
Another principle was what I call the “Dr. Frankenstein test.” “Is this process or procedure attempting to “play God” and mess with the natural order of Creation?”
It sounds silly, but that last one is a rhetorical minefield. In reading lots of opinions, I found that there are good Christian folk who believe most modern medicine fits the Dr. Frank definition – we are playing God by keeping people alive in general. Not being a member of a cult, I reject that, but there has to be SOME ethical limit to medical science, right? Where is the line?
Maybe I can help advance that conversation by telling you what we decided would be consistent with our faith when approaching the IVF process:
- We felt the process in and of itself is not evil, but could be used for evil.
- Family planning in general is a decision to create or not create life based on a couple’s will. Since we don’t believe it is is evil to choose to get pregnant or prevent this creation of life through non-destructive contraception, it is not evil on its face to pursue fertility treatments that assist in conception (drug treatments, ovulation prediction, etc.).
- Using modern medical techniques to circumvent a damaged reproductive organ (in this case fallopian tubes) in the pursuit of restoring a normal bodily function (reproduction) is not dissimilar to the use of an artificial heart or a thousand other medical techniques we accept as ethical.
- Embryo creation, care, and handling would be the most critical ethical decisions we made, and we insisted on working with a doctor who allowed us to make every decision related to embryos.
I have to stop here and elaborate on some specific choices we made regarding embryos. We have long held that life begins at the point of conception. We read the words of many well-respected Christian thinkers and writers who prefer to say that “potential life” begins at conception, since an embryo cannot become a viable fetus without gestating to a minimum term. They would argue that viable life is created later, possibly at implantation into the uterine wall, possibly later. I concede that important point and respect their rhetorical stance. But rhetoric and theory take a back seat when you have to deal with potential life and death decisions, and for me I think this is one of those areas where we should err on the side of caution. Science apart from faith tells us that something unique happens when two reproductive cells combine to form one organism, and it is at this point that our ethics must be well thought out and carefully considered. And there’s only so much we as fallen humans can really know. Jesus teaches us to go beyond the Law to seek out true righteous acts. So just in case, we decided to treat embryos as de facto life and accord them respect, prayer, and careful handling. This led to a few other decisions:
- We would only allow embryos to be created from our eggs and sperm, and only for implantation, not for research or donation. On the subject of donation, we really felt that if the eggs or sperm were not viable we would essentially be “adopting” someone else’s cells, and it would be better to offer a home to a child in need of adoption than to pursue donor cells. We also were not comfortable with the idea of donating embryos, as they would then leave our protection and we would have no guarantee they would be treated ethically.
- We would use every embryo created, no matter how many rounds of IVF this required. This was a big decision, as it is common to harvest and create from 10-15 embryos each cycle. Most of these do not reach the stage where they can be implanted, but they could. We decided that if it were in our power, no viable embryos would be destroyed.
- We prayed that we would have the wisdom to make the right decisions and that life would be honored with our choices. We felt great peace that God had heard and we were not disobeying Him or rationalizing, so we proceeded.
These decisions led us to ask lots of questions and deal very directly with our doctors. They also closed some doors for us financially (if you are willing to donate eggs, there are programs where the recipients pay for your IVF treatment, which can cost upwards of $15,000-$30,000). We also had to be very sure the tubes were the only issue and that pregnancy was otherwise possible.
We were blessed with doctors who were not only good at what they do, but listened to our concerns and complied with our wishes. We did two rounds of IVF. Both resulted in pregnancies (twins, then a single). Both times, the doctors were unable to locate Stacey’s left ovary, so only a limited number of eggs could be harvested. In round one, we ended up with four viable embryos. In round two we had three. In both instances we implanted all of the embryos.
Implantation is a big day in IVF. It’s basically setting the embryo down in the uterus in hopes of it finding a home to grow, just like in the normal process. The doctors do all they can to prepare the body to receive an embryo with drugs and hormones and bed rest. But in the end, they can only create the conditions where it is likely. There are no guarantees.
Before the implantation, the embryologist gives you a blown-up microscope image of the embryos. He talks a lot about science and numbers and grades and ratings, but I didn’t pay much attention. To me, I was holding my babies’ first baby pictures, and that was a weighty moment.
Embryologist Guy then leaves you to your thoughts in the hallway while the procedure is happening. Those were profound moments for me as I walked the halls, gripping that photo and committing first four, then three potential lives and their safe keeping to my Father. After all the processes and all the procedures and everything modern medicine had to offer, we still came down to a moment out of anyone’s control.We could only ask God for help.
But for me, that’s how it had been all along.
Let me close by saying this is not a manifesto or meant to be an indictment of anyone’s choices in this realm. These are hard decisions, and we all have to make them the best we can. God is gracious and compassionate and faithful to lead us through the tough decisions. This is how he lead us. Would love to hear your story.
